why love can die so suddenly?

The ironies of relationships, or is it only applicable to MY past relationship only... But maybe, only with Mr. A (Let's just call him that)..

Not that I particularly enjoy writing about him in my blog, in fact, as far as I am concerned... I'd rather he not be anywhere around me, now and forever. Not that I hate him, in fact I don't. I actually thought we can still be friends after we are no longer an item. Hah! How naive can I be?

The story about Mr. A and I is one about a rather long and intensive relationship, in fact, we pratically breathe the same air everyday. For almost four straight years, we thought we were destined to be together... see, we THOUGHT.

In fact, I really did not realise that he is not what I really want in my life till he screamed at me over the phone on one fine day. Reason for being totally unreasonable? I cannot be home earlier to join him and his family for a take-away dinner because I am in a business discussion. While he is happily at home, resting, I am out there working and travelling all over the island doing work for OUR company.

Maybe what people say is true... When a woman thinks she is in love, she will do things that don't make sense at all, and that includes letting her partner walk all over her and bulling her into submission. She will still have the strength to forgive and love that person all the same. While men on the other hand can only be happy that they get it their way, not even realising that women are just like them, made of the same flesh and blood and we have emotions as well.

The screaming issue was one thing, it was alot more than that. I was so hurt and disappointed that I almost felt nothing. After the meeting, my legs simply carried me to the train station and somehow, I was on my way back home, my own home... The train ride home really bewildereed me... I remebered how I always cry everytime we have an argument, how he will insist on his ways and how he will threaten and bully me into submission. It irked me and suddenly I felt so disgusted with him, and us.

I spent a day at home thinking, doing virtually nothing but think about us. I could not convince myself that Mr. A and I are right to each other. So I asked for a time-out the very next day.

When he cried and begged that I don't leave him, I was so guilt-riddened that I was almost close to giving in again. I asked him why regret only when it happens? Why is it that he never learn from his lessons? And his reply left a dead and foul taste in my mouth. It was because I never let him know.

There and then, I realised he had never respected me.

If a man cannot respect the woman he loves, what love is there to talk about in the first place? Because love embodies not just that warm fuzzy feeling, or that sheer sense of bliss when you are with the person you love. It is about commitment, sharing, communication and most importantly, RESPECT.

Love Vs Responsibility

The year 2004 is really pretty much a year that screams I really am not getting any younger and everyone around me is all grown up and they have already progressed to the "next step" of their lives, meaning either engaged or married or having a kid..

Gosh... even my 18 year-old cousin is married. My 23 year-old cousin is the mother of my really adorable niece and my brother's getting hitched too. Of course, that started the whole extended family talking and asking about my private life.

Well.. the truth is I really am not ready to get hitched... though I am with someone now, but that doesn't really have to end with the big 'ol letter "M" right? Not that I don't want to, I really cannot picture myself in that "married" state.. But I have no intention to "explore & experiment" as of yet.. I just think maybe... just maybe.. I have not met my match... but how do you know HE is the one??

Maybe... its how we can go on talking for hours... Maybe... its how he pull my chair for me, or how he guide me around with a simple touch of my elbow... or Maybe... its the way he smile, the way he listens and looks into your eyes... Maybe will always end with more Maybes...

The truth is.. You really won't know... I won't deny that I have been disappointed when I have to end a long 4-year relationship with someone whom I really thought "he's the one"... But it turns out that maybe it really is not meant to be...

So what is it that makes people jump into a marriage... a matrimony... joint together in the presence of God and everyone who knows you... and at the end of the day, if you realise that he / she is not "the one" will you be brave enough to walk away?

It was to be something really simple... it's a progression of your life, or a show of love and respect, that's why you marry someone who you think can love and honour you for the rest of your lives together... But what happens if that promise is not honoured? What can you do?

If you can only choose Love OR Responsibility, which will you choose? Can you have Love and no responsibility or vice versa??